Cancer is a scary experience. It will always sit with me. It’s changed how I am and how I approach things. It’s changed my body. It’s changed my mindset. It’s hard to keep up with it all. It’s also difficult to not be afraid that it will return. How does one leave behind the fear and anxiety of the possibility of death and the return of cancer.

When you get a diagnosis of cancer, it’s like getting kicked. You don’t really expect it even if you see the foot swinging. You anticipate the treatments. You wonder how all of it is going to affect you. You wonder about side effects and the future feels distant. Some people scream “fuck cancer” others become silent and still. Both ways of dealing with it have benefits and drawbacks.

Then if you are lucky enough to be told “you’re in remission” you are left with the question of now what. You’ve been so invested in fighting for your life that you now have to move forward and change that perspective.

Over the years I’ve had many conversations with friends about letting things go and living in the present. We have all shared advice with each other. There has been much wisdom shared, this is just some of it.

1. No matter what you do life changes, it brings change. You can either embrace it or run from it. Running doesn’t stop the change. It still happens, it’s better to figure out how to deal with it then let it happen to you.

2. If it’s not yours it’s not going to change.

3. The past is past, you had that experience. It taught you something, take the teaching and move forward.

4. You might be powerless in what happened, but you have power over how you react. Choose wisely.

So now that I sit here again with a recurrence of my cancer, I am again asking myself what now. I move forward, and I hope for a different future grateful for knowing more of what to expect and grateful for those people in my life who walk with me.