My favorite piece of footwear isn’t actually shoes
My favorite shoes aren’t actually shoes. They are moccasins. They are comfortable and warm. I have 3 pairs. I’ll tell you about them.
One pair has beaded wolf tracks and soft rabbit fur. These were made from home tanned hide. When the box arrived, it smelled so good. It reminded me of good things from my childhood. They travel with me, and I wear them indoors wherever I am. The other 2 pairs are wrap around style.
The next pair I bought comes from a lady in High Prairie. They are made from home tanned hide. I bought them from her when I finished my bachelor’s degree. They are warm and comfy. They remind me to walk with a good heart and to be considerate of others. I wear these ones to ceremonies and when I’m learning something important.
The last pair is a beautiful teal blue. These are commercially tanned and dyed. They have beautiful beaded flowers. They are to remind me that I’m still here. I bought them after I finished my chemotherapy. They came from BC. I wear them anytime I’m doing anything related to the ovarian cancer that I had.
All these moccasins remind me to have hope. To walk in a good way. To have a good heart. To be considerate of others and that I am still here. My moccasins have taken me many places, but most of all, they bring me to a good place in my heart.
History is interesting. It is both written and spoken. History is remembered, and some events will always be spoken of. Those events that continue to be spoken about have had huge impacts on those that tell the story.
The stories we tell are connected to where and who we come from. Some of those who I come from didn’t have a voice that was ever heard. So now I research their stories so I can speak their truth.
1876 treaty paylist
My family always tells the story of when the treaty was signed at Saddle Lake. They say it was at the corner where our family had property. They say the first signers were 7 brothers. They agreed to join the treaty. This is a paylist. I wonder, are these those 7 brothers? Were there sisters? What are the other stories?
History is interesting. Written or spoken, it tells the story of a time and place. It tells the story of what happens to people. We must remember to tell the stories.
Describe your most ideal day from begining to end.
I wake up, the sun is shining. There’s a slight breeze and I can go sit by the campfire outside. I drink tea listening to the sounds of the bush, the lake and the fire. The people I love are close by enjoying themselves and there is nothing but right now. All through the day everyone lives in the moment, the laughter and happiness is true. The day ends with a beautiful sunset, I sit by the fire listening to the night sounds drinking tea. I hear the bush, the lake, and the fire. I take a deep breath. Those I love are close by and there is nothing but this moment.
I close my eyes and I feel the softness of the earth under my feet. My moccasins touching the soul of where my ancestors walked before me.
I breath in and listen to the quiet of the forest all around me. It’s quiet but noisy at the same time. I gear the birds and animals around me. I feel the peace and connection that my ancestors felt before me.
I open my eye and I see the beauty of this land. I see the clear water, I see the treas grown tall. I see the birds flying and the moose walking. I see the plants for healingand medicines and I know where I belong.
I feel the connection, so strong. I pray to my ancestors to ask Creator to help me and guide me. I pray that others see the beauty and blessing of our ancestors who walked this land. I pray so others may see their reflection and the beauty of the natural world.
In the morning the sun shines and reminds me I’ve been blessed to have another day. I greet you with a morning kiss and remember, I am blessed to spend another day with you. I breath in joy, happiness and hope and go about my day.
In the evening I express gratitude. I sit and reflect on how much I love you. I’m grateful to still be here. I’m grateful that I gain a new life everyday overcoming fear and remembering that you are with me too. I am grateful for every day experiences and blessings.
Hope is powerful when you have it. So many experiences can diminish the hope that you have and it can be difficult to find it again. Being diagnosed with cancer can devastate your hope. It can be like having a candle and trying to keep it lit in a storm. You never know whats happening and you are never actually prepared for whats going to happen.
Recently I have had many people close to me diagnosed with cancer. It sometimes feels like it’s all around me and as if it’s so common. It feels like we all need hope in action. We can only do what we can to build hope in ourselves and in others.
There are so many thing to learn when you get diagnosed with cancer. It’s hard to figure it all out. There’s lots of information out there. It’s also difficult to know how accurate all that information is. Every time I hear about someone I know being diagnosed with cancer I feel my shock over again. Then I think about all the experiences they will be going through and I pray that they have a good outcome.
I walked in Ovarian Cancer Canada’s walk of hope. They say “Hope for change, hope for awareness and hope a cure.” This year will be my third year walking in it. I prefer to do a virtual, local walk instead of the large walk in Edmonton. I can walk with my friends and family. It makes me feel hopeful. The first year I walked I was still receiving chemotherapy. I could not walk very far. I set a goal for my second year, to walk at least 5 kms. I was able to do that. This year, I hope to walk at least the 5 kms again and perhaps further.
Walk of Hope 2021
I’m walking because I was diagnosed with stage 3B ovarian cancer on April 1, 2020. I was told I’m in remission on September 28th, 2020. It’s been an experience and a difficult journey. I thought that somehow being in remission would mean that I was better. That all the fears I struggled with would soon be gone. That’s not the reality. I have lingering affects from the chemo. I struggled to remove myself from the idea of having cancer.
I guess I’m kind of still living with cancer. I’m still receiving treatment because I have a BRAC1 gene mutation. This means that I’m at higher risk for recurrence or getting breast cancer. I’m currently taking a parp inhibitor, which to my understanding is a form of targeted therapy to prevent recurrence. Research shows its very effective.
Recently I started seeing information about living with and living beyond cancer. I guess living with cancer would be the diagnosis and the treatments. Living beyond cancer would be be after all your treatments are finished and seeing yourself as thriver not just a survivor. I plan to live beyond cancer.
Medicine has been gifted to people. Every culture has its own understandings of medicine and what that means. Medicine is learned, it is taught, it is lived. In Nehiyawak culture medicine can be plants, it can be ceremony, it can be spending time in nature or with others. The word medicine has many different meanings. In this way there are many different ways to seek healing. Medicine is what makes you better.
One summer several years ago we went camping at mile seven. My Aunt Alsena, my father’s first cousin, met us there. Our purpose in going there’s was to pick medicines, there are several different kinds in that area.
We had spent the afternoon picking medicines and auntie Alsena told us that her friend Diane was going to meet up with us. She had camped there with us before. When Dianne showed up she had brought sage and sweet grass with her.
We learned about creating sage bundles and sweetgrass braids. Once we finished making the braids and bundles we took them and hung them up to dry in the breeze off the lake.
Then we began to clean the roots and preparing the medicines. As we were cleaning the medicines, Dianne and auntie Alsena were telling stories of the medicines and how we got them. We learned how the medicinal plants were used and why we are so connected to the land. This connection itself is a form of medicine. Just being out on the land brings healing in various ways.
One of the medicines we learned about was spruce gum. This spruce gum is used as an antiseptic. It fights infection. It helps to hold skin together when someone is injured. It is used to treat colds and is added to other medicines. It can be used for food too.
We were told the story of the gift of spruce gum and how badger gave it to us. Badgers are fierce and dangerous animals. A long time ago they were very big, much larger than they are now. They were bigger than people, and they used to kill and hurt people. The people prayed to the Creator for help, because we are weak and we need help to survive. The Creator told badger to stop harming people. That did not happen. Eventually the Creator had to do something about badger. The people had chased two baby badgers up a tree. Creator told them that because badger had not respected the request to live peacefully they would be changed. They would no longer be bigger than the people, they would remain the size of their babies. They would provide help to the people through the warmth of their fur, etc. The baby badgers were grateful that the Creator allowed them to live and they promised to help the people. When they slid down the spruce tree their claws cut open the bark and the tree sap came out. The badgers told the people that this was their medicine that they were sharing it with the people as a way to make amends. They taught the people what its used for and how to use it. There are stories for all medicines. Storytelling helps you to remember the medicines and how and why they are used.
Auntie Alsena also told us about a man was lost in the bush for two weeks in the winter. His snowmobile ran out of gas and he tried to hike out of the bush. He got lost and ran out of food and water. To survive he ate spruce gum and drank melted snow to help sustain his body. He survived and was rescued. She told us all that spruce gum is full of vitamin c and will help us if we need it.
All of these activities were each a form of medicine. Each thing gave us something different to heal us. It balanced our spirits through the camping and story telling. It taught us ways to help ourselves in a crisis. We learned the medicinal properties and usage of plants. We laughed and found purpose in what we did. We built connections and created memories that will last a lifetime. All this is good medicine.
Sakaw Iskwew 