My parents often speak about their grandmothers. They’ve told me many stories about them. My dad has told me how much his dad’s mother loved him. He has told me that she used to always feed him whenever he went there, which was very often. He said that when his mother died his dads mom, his grandmother helped him a lot. He said when she died he was very sad. He wasn’t very close to his other grandmother. My mother also only had one grandmother. Her father’s mother had died when her father was young. Her mother’s mum had a profound impact on her life. Her grandmother was a midwife and a layer out of bodies. She was a washer woman and she was Welsh. My mother said that her grandmother had an air of mystery about her and that her grandmother loved her family fiercely. Both of my parents loved their grandmothers strongly and remember them in a way that keeps them alive to anyone who listens to them talk about them.
When my daughter had her son I became a grandmother, a kokom. It changed how I thought of the world of grandmothers. I thought I want to be remembered the way my parents talk about their grandmothers. I want my grandchildren to still talk about me when they are grandparents. I want to bring happy thoughts and thoughts of love and comfort to all my grandchildren no matter how old they are.
It made me think about my own grandmothers and I wondered what it would have been like growing up with them. My parents speak of their mothers with love. All I have is my parents memories of their mothers. Both of my grandmothers passed away before I was born. I know how much I love my nosim, grandchild, I can only hope that would’ve been that would have been the same for me. Both of my grandmothers died from health issues that I’ve experienced, one from gallbladder issues and the other from cancer. In some sense I’m connected to them through those things and the stories my parents tell me about them.
While I didn’t grow up with a grandmother in the sense that most people had grandmothers. I did have women in the grandmother role. In dominant society you can only have a certain amount of grandparents. In my culture you have many grandparents. I’m blessed to have many grandmothers. There have been several grandmothers that showed me that grandmother love.
On my dad’s side I was blessed to have my dad’s aunties as Kokoms. I will always appreciate them. Those beautiful women made me feel connected to our family. They were excited for me with every milestone I experienced in my life. They encouraged me and taught me. They were chapans (great grandmothers) to my children. We all loved them.
On my mum’s side I was blessed to have her stepmother. She was the only grandmother I had from that side and although we called her Auntie she was one of my truest grandmothers. She fussed over me when I was sick. She taught me how to draw perspective when I was 11. She was proud of me and I know she loved me. When my children were born she knit them all kinds of little sweaters and I wish she could have met them but she lived in England and we lived in Canada.
All these grandmothers that walked in my life; whether that’s in spirit and through my parents memories or physically with me, they have shown me how I to be a grandmother. They have taught me that a grandmother’s role is to love a child and to create memories that will always comfort you no matter how old you grow. I look forward to all the happy memories I will create for my grandchildren.
Grandmothers are important and you can always impact a child’s life in a positive way, whether you are related or not. Be the grandmother you needed as a child and create memories of love and happiness that last a lifetime.
Sakaw Iskwew 