The spirit of the bear walks with me. As I journey through this life, bears medicine walks with me. It gives me strength when I need it and reminds me that sometimes you need to rest so that once again you can grow and keep moving forward. Kinanâskomitin, I am grateful
Today, I found old letters from family members written long ago. These letters are like an echo, a voice from the past reminding me of those I love.
Their voices tell me what was happening then and remind me that those whose voices I no longer hear loved me.
Old letters are the closest you can get to a hug from someone who is no longer here. I hope you have some old letters to bring those echos and distant hugs back to you. ❤️
It has been a long 3 years since I was first diagnosed with stage 3B ovarian cancer. I’ve riden a Rollercoaster of emotions, and those who know me well know I’m not fond of rollercoasters, but you can not run away from it. You put your safety harness on and hope for the best.
During this time, I have had lots of family members also get diagnosed with cancer. It’s a scary place to be. You begin to live with a lot of sorrow. You feel like the darkest of darkness has swept around you, and you wonder if you will survive. Those people in your life tell you to fight the good fight, to be strong, to find the light and hope, and to remind you of how much they love you. All great messages. What we also need to remember is that it’s also ok to feel angry, to feel sadness or sorrow, and to wonder if things will ever go back to the way it was. There’s no such thing as negative emotions. It’s ok to feel your feelings. They’re only there to visit. They don’t need to stay. We need balance in our lives, and these feeling often balance themselves out in the end.
I think love and sorrow travel hand in hand. It’s what brings joy into our lives. Without sorrow, you can not see the beauty that walks and exists around you. Sometimes, I think we get caught up in the sorrow and need people to show us the way back to love and show us how to see the beauty. It’s the nature of like. I also believe that when we don’t acknowledge what causes us sorrow, that’s when we begin to live in anger. As I’ve said many times to my lo ed ones, I don’t want to live in anger. However, it is ok to feel angry. I just believe that we acknowledge it and then move forward, returning to our love state of being. I know it sounds easy, but I also know it’s hard to do.
So, as I sit here receiving the 6th chemotherapy for my remission (I’ve had 12 total now). I think of all I’ve learned through this process. I’ve learned that while I’m the one with cancer, all my loved ones are also going through this journey. I’ve learned a lot about my body and health. I’m grateful for a bunch of blessings. The medical people in my life and the medical discoveries over the many years of research. I am grateful for healing, even if it’s slow. I’m grateful for my family and friends who bring me light and love every day. I’m grateful to the Creator who gives me strength every day to keep going. I’m grateful to those who have dropped off meals to help us out. I am for the kindness of strangers who remind me that there is still love in a world full of sorrow. Most of all, I am grateful for my life with all its sorrows and all its love.
Kinanâskomitin, I am grateful, ahkamēyimok, keep going. Kiyam, let go, miyo-pimâtisiwin, it’s a good life. Live it in a beautiful way. Ekosimaka, that’s all for now.
Today, I carried the love my children, my nosim, and husband have for me, it help me feel connected to all my reasons for healing.
Today, I carried my parents’ hope with me to remind me that I am always prayed for.
Today, I carried my brothers familys love for me, and it helped me to know it’s ok to feel sad because there are people there to pick me up.
Today, I carried my sisters with me when I went to chemo. I wore a ribbon skirt made by one. It brought the healing love that they freely give me. It reminded me to live life with ceremony, culture, and love.
Today, I carried with me my aunties and uncles prayers. These prayers and their love support all my family during difficult times.
Today, I carried with me my in-laws love and support for my family. I know they hold us close.
Today, I carried with me the love of my nieces and nephews. Their laughter and joy reminded me of life.
Today, I carried with me my friends comfort. This reminds me that I always have people to help me.
Today I brought ahkamēyimok with me. It is the feeling of perseverance, to not give up, and to keep going in spite of difficult times. I am grateful and blessed.
Kinanâskomitin
Do you see the beauty of the snow as it sparkles in the moonlight?
Do you see the beauty of the falling rain in the evening?
Do you feel the peace in the midnight fog?
When you are surrounded by beauty and peace do you know it’s there?
The lake it calls me home. Waves breaking softly upon its shore. The birds singing in the trees near by. The warmth of the sun in the sky. The lake it calls me home.
The lake it calls me home, feeling peaceful in silence I sit. Meditating on the waves as they hit the shore; sounds all around of the water as it sings. Life is what the lake brings. The lake it calls me home.
The lake it calls me home, peaceful upon its shore; the birds and the animals that it brings. The lake is calling me home. Sunlight glistening brings me close to the peace and hope. Quiet as the lake sings. The lake is calling me home.
I come from the land where trees surround me, and the sky is clear.
I come from the place where the lakes and rivers surround me.
I come from the land where my ancestors have walked before me.
I come from the place where my culture grew strong from time immemorial.
I come from the people of four directions, of medicines, of ceremony, of beauty, of loss, and of healing.
I come from the people who walked before me and for the people who will walk after me.
I come from the strength of spirit, and I continue to walk.
I come from here.
The going home snow, kewaytinok
Tell me about the going home snow, kewaytinok
The last snow before spring. One last moment to remind you to take a breath in the stillness of winter.
Tell me how the geese have returned and the birds sing. Kewaytinok
Tell me about life renewed.
Tell me about the going home snow and what it means.
Kewaytinok
I close my eyes and I feel the softness of the earth under my feet. My moccasins touching the soul of where my ancestors walked before me.
I breath in and listen to the quiet of the forest all around me. It’s quiet but noisy at the same time. I gear the birds and animals around me. I feel the peace and connection that my ancestors felt before me.
I open my eye and I see the beauty of this land. I see the clear water, I see the treas grown tall. I see the birds flying and the moose walking. I see the plants for healingand medicines and I know where I belong.
I feel the connection, so strong. I pray to my ancestors to ask Creator to help me and guide me. I pray that others see the beauty and blessing of our ancestors who walked this land. I pray so others may see their reflection and the beauty of the natural world.
In the morning the sun shines and reminds me I’ve been blessed to have another day. I greet you with a morning kiss and remember, I am blessed to spend another day with you. I breath in joy, happiness and hope and go about my day.
In the evening I express gratitude. I sit and reflect on how much I love you. I’m grateful to still be here. I’m grateful that I gain a new life everyday overcoming fear and remembering that you are with me too. I am grateful for every day experiences and blessings.
Sakaw Iskwew 