Tag: #sakawiskwewart

Tell me a story

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“Tell me a story “

This mixed media piece includes a telegram sent in 1888 from the Chief’s Alexander, Alexis and Michael telling John A MacDonald that their community members are starving and that they had to break the law and kill the cattle in order to save the lives of they and their children and includes parts of the responses from the government. This piece includes images of piles of bison bones and hides from when the bison were slaughtered to show the impact of the loss of an important resource to all plains peoples. The pictures also show the use of the railway to transport the bones to factories to make fertilizer.
The man painted over top has his head down in reflection as he contemplates the telling of our history.
The words of the telegram show through to demonstrate how the history of colonization continues to impact us. The past will always sit with us, and it is important that we remember and tell our own history. The inclusion of archival documents shows a record supporting oral traditions about the impact of signing treaties, the neglect of treaty obligations especially after the 1885 resistance, the loss of access to the land and the loss traditional food resources. It demonstrates the loss of autonomy through the need to ask permission to slaughter their cattle and that without asking permission, they had broken the law and were at risk of being arrested. It is called “Tell me a story” because we continue to speak about our past and the impacts it has had on our communities.

Transcriptions of archive RG10, Volume 3794, File 46,205

Telegram:
Feb 23, 1888
From Edmonton, NWT
Sir John A. MacDonald. We are starving. We cannot get help from the agency, have killed cattle on reserve to save our lives so far. We don’t want to kill anymore but will have to unless we get help at once. We don’t want to break the law but we and our children are dying of hunger. We ask for a commission to investigate the truth of what we are saying but need food at once.
Alexander, Chief of River Qui Barre
Michael Callioux, Chief of Sturgeon river reserve
Alexis, Chief of Lake St. Ann Reserve

At that time, it was illegal for Indigenous people to slaughter their cattle without permission. Even though the cattle had been given to the people as their own to encourage farming, the Indian agent and the government did not consider the cattle the property of the people it was given to. The file this is from includes other documents that explain why the Indian agent decided not to have them arrest for fear it would cause another uprising.

This piece also includes the responses from the governments Indian department to this situation.

Response 1
Feb 24, 1888
To Major de Balinhard Indian Agent
Edmonton, NWT
Chiefs Alexander and Michael telegraph Indians are starving, cannot get help from agency. Killed cattle to save lives, will have to kill more unless assisted at once. They and children dying of hunger need food
at once. Please write facts. See Chiefs and inform them that you have been communicated with by dept. This reply questions the validity of the statement they are starving.

Response 2
Edmonton Feb 25, 1888
Contractors behind delivery provisions, Saddle Lake, Edmonton, and Whitefish Indians were hungry, now fully rationed, Lac La Biche also now receiving rations. Starvation extreme word. Edmonton and St Ann’s complaining all winter of short supplies of rations, not sufficient. Hard winter for all, fur scare, fisheries a
failure, no rabbits, will find next two months more. Samuel, member and spiritual advisor, [is] working this up
[This response downplays the lack of ration, providing an explanation for the provisions not being provided. This treaty
has a clause that stated provisions would be provided in times of famine. It also states that one member is overreacting and getting everyone worked up. It seeks to invalidate the experience of starving people.]

Kiyas ago, our mosom and kokoms; our grandfathers and grandmothers, told us this. We were starving, and our children were dying. We couldn’t get any help from the Indian agent. The law said we could not kill our own cattle. Lots of our traditional food was gone. We thought that we would also be gone.

Kewaytinok

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The going home snow, kewaytinok

Tell me about the going home snow, kewaytinok

The last snow before spring. One last moment to remind you to take a breath in the stillness of winter.

Tell me how the geese have returned and the birds sing. Kewaytinok

Tell me about life renewed.

Tell me about the going home snow and what it means.

Kewaytinok

Etikwe, I suppose

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Etikwe, I suppose. I’m not sure why this word popped into my mind, I suppose there are lots of reasons for it.

I think about how many different times I’ve heard this word in my life. Etikwe, I suppose it’s a lot.

Etikwe, it means I suppose or maybe just suppose. Awina etikwe, I don’t know who or maybe I wonder who depending on the context. I suppose I should talk pîskiskwêw to my dad about it.

I suppose I’m supposed to use it more. I guess I need to use the words in Cree as they pop into my mind.

Etikwe it is to remind me that there are words that I know and that I need to learn more.

So that I can pê-pîkiskwêw
Ekosi, that’s all my thoughts for now, etikwe

Grandmothers

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My mother and myself and my nosim.

My parents often speak about their grandmothers. They’ve told me many stories about them. My dad has told me how much his dad’s mother loved him. He has told me that she used to always feed him whenever he went there, which was very often. He said that when his mother died his dads mom, his grandmother helped him a lot. He said when she died he was very sad. He wasn’t very close to his other grandmother. My mother also only had one grandmother. Her father’s mother had died when her father was young. Her mother’s mum had a profound impact on her life. Her grandmother was a midwife and a layer out of bodies. She was a washer woman and she was Welsh. My mother said that her grandmother had an air of mystery about her and that her grandmother loved her family fiercely. Both of my parents loved their grandmothers strongly and remember them in a way that keeps them alive to anyone who listens to them talk about them.

“All my grandmothers flowers” painting by Madeline Belanger using photos of my great grandmothers.

When my daughter had her son I became a grandmother, a kokom. It changed how I thought of the world of grandmothers. I thought I want to be remembered the way my parents talk about their grandmothers. I want my grandchildren to still talk about me when they are grandparents. I want to bring happy thoughts and thoughts of love and comfort to all my grandchildren no matter how old they are.

It made me think about my own grandmothers and I wondered what it would have been like growing up with them.  My parents speak of their mothers with love. All I have is my parents memories of their mothers. Both of my grandmothers passed away before I was born. I know how much I love my nosim, grandchild, I can only hope that would’ve been that would have been the same for me. Both of my grandmothers died from health issues that I’ve experienced, one from gallbladder issues and the other from cancer. In some sense I’m connected to them through those things and the stories my parents tell me about them.

While I didn’t grow up with a grandmother in the sense that most people had grandmothers. I did have women in the grandmother role. In dominant society you can only have a certain amount of grandparents. In my culture you have many grandparents. I’m blessed to have many grandmothers. There have been several grandmothers that showed me that grandmother love.

On my dad’s side I was blessed to have my dad’s aunties as Kokoms.  I will always appreciate them. Those beautiful women made me feel connected to our family. They were excited for me with every milestone I experienced in my life. They encouraged me and taught me. They were chapans (great grandmothers) to my children. We all loved them.

Kokom Bella and I

On my mum’s side I was blessed to have her stepmother. She was the only grandmother I had from that side and although we called her Auntie she was one of my truest grandmothers.  She fussed over me when I was sick. She taught me how to draw perspective when I was 11. She was proud of me and I know she loved me. When my children were born she knit them all kinds of little sweaters and I wish she could have met them but she lived in England and we lived in Canada.

Auntie Phyllis and I

All these grandmothers that walked in my life; whether that’s in spirit and through my parents memories or physically with me, they have shown me how I to be a grandmother. They have taught me that a grandmother’s role is to love a child and to create memories that will always comfort you no matter how old you grow. I look forward to all the happy memories I will create for my grandchildren.

Grandmothers are important and you can always impact a child’s life in a positive way, whether you are related or not. Be the grandmother you needed as a child and create memories of love and happiness that last a lifetime.

Truth and Reconciliation

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Generational Healing

I paint as an expression of what I feel that I cannot always explain with words. Sometimes these paintings come to me very clearly as this one did. I had been thinking about how much my family has been impacted by residential schools, how colonization has affected us and how these things are passed on generationally.

This painting represents how imposing blue quills has been on my family. There is a lot of intergenerational trauma because of it. We had multiple generations of family members attend this s hool.

Flowers represent medicines to me. The flowers are growing over the photos and bringing healing and change. Medicine comes in many forms.

The photo of blue quills is large because it had a huge impact. It’s not covered because it will never go away.

The smudge and eagle feather are clearing away the pain through reconnection to culture. Culture is medicine.

Each one of the flowers represents someone in my family. The purple ones are my dad and his siblings. The yellow ones represent myself and my siblings that’s why there are 5 of them. The orange ones are my parents grandchildren. The pink dots represent all of my cousins. The berries represent change and new growth. The sage also represents growth through healing. There are two photos of my family members as youth when they would’ve been in Blue Quills Indian Residential school

The background colours are there because of how this painting came me. Red is understood to be connected to healing, it is also understood to be the only colour that spirits can see.

Overall the painting is like a prayer for healing, separating my family from the school and the impact it’s trauma created.

It runs in the family

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It runs in the family, terrible words to repeat but they need repeating. I knew that my dad’s sister, my aunt died from breast cancer. I knew his other sister had some kind of cancer and that she passed from it. I knew several of my cousins had cancer and passed from it and I knew that several of my dad’s cousins also had various cancers. That’s one side.

My mum’s mother, my grandmother had some kind of abdominal cancer that she died from before I was born. My mum had several aunts and cousins that also died from various abdominal cancers. My mum and her twin sister both survived colon cancer. Several of my cousins on my mum’s side have struggled  fought and survived cancer.

It runs in the family.

When you hear that you start to look at how many people in the family have had cancer. I knew these things and yet I hadn’t thought about it until I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  When I really looked at it, it kind of felt inevitable.  It runs in the family sounds like it’s fatal. It sounds like a bad thing. It forgets all the positives that exist too.

So what I’ve decided “it runs in the family” is going to mean to me is not something negative or awful or fatal.

Strength Sohkatisiwin

Strength is runs in the family. We’ve endured a lot of difficulty,  we’ve persevered and continued.

Hope Pakoseyimowin

Hope runs in the family. We keep going, we continue to fight, we keep trying.

Love Sâkihitowin

Love it runs in the family. We support each other. We are there for each other, we may disagree, we may live far from each other but our love is always there.

It runs in the family is all about how you choose to see what runs in the family. Yes our family has cancer but we also have strength, hope, love and we continue.

Ahkamēyimok, perseverance it runs in the family.

Hope

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Finding light in the dark

HOPE.

That little light far off in the distance.

HOPE.

The light in the night sky.

HOPE.

I need to move towards it. That’s my hope.

It’s very dark.

My hope is a beacon in this darkness. I move closer still. My hope is getting brighter.

The darkness still surrounds. Yet I still see that light.

It burns brighter and whispers “I am here”

Hope

I move closer, I’m trying to reach out, trying to grasp a hold of the light in the darkness.

I hope.

Hope tells me “you are not alone” – Hope says “I am here. “

Suddenly, I realize that the light isn’t far away. Suddenly, I realize that the light was always with me. I just didn’t know that the light was always shining within me.

HOPE

Hope shines and it radiates out. It is light. The darkness is diminished. Hope is bright and it radiates from me.

Hope is love. I grasp a hold of my hope.

HOPE

Reflections on Grief and the Journey to Ones True Self

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There is sadness within the people. This is deep inside and even though one maybe happy there is still an unexplained sadness that over takes them. It is sometimes diagnosed in the western world as depression but I think it is more that that. It is grief. This grief is profoundly deep. The wounds cut like a knife; it is a people’s grief.

This grief transcends time and experience. It is unknowingly passed down through the generations. We see it in the young people today. It is expressed through anger, gangs, and violence. The young people have suffered a loss but they are so unfamiliar with traditions that they do not know for what they grieve. We do not provide the tools to the young people because many of us do not know that we too are grieving.

Grief in its classical description points to a profound and significant loss in ones life. This loss would be a loss of culture but is also more than cultural experiences. It is a profound loss of spirituality. It is the connection to the spirit, to the Creator. This profound form of alienation has created a separation of the spiritual self from the physical self. It has caused the separation from the ability to grieve and recover. Elders will tell you to pray. This is the first step in reconnecting with self in the spiritual aspect.

It has been said by many different people of many different belief systems, that prayer is a powerful thing. That connection to the Creator allows you to begin your journey home.

When you pray you begin to adopt a feeling/attitude of respect. This is because you are praying to someone who is greater than you. You acknowledge that you are unable to change things on your own and you know that you need the assistance of a being greater than you. The Grandfathers and the Grandmothers in that spiritual sense would be Angels; beings that connect you to the Creator. When you ask for help and guidance you begin to change how you react.  Your respect in prayer translates to your life. You begin to show respect to others as well as yourself. This respect further translates to respect for the earth who is liked to a mother because she provides for all her children, human and animal.  Once this aspect of respect is recovered and learned the grieving process is started. Healing begins, and you are open to other lessons. 

The sadness begins to lift. As you start your journey towards healing you begin to realize that the Creator has provided these experiences to you for a reason. You begin to realize that in every experience there is a lesson. It is simply finding it. Humility, thankfulness, love, compassion; all these experiences are brought forward. The profound sadness that once touched your life, the sadness that you couldn’t explain lifts. It sounds easier than it actually is because there are other processes involved too. There is forgiveness and letting go. This does not mean that you forget, it simply means that you treat others who may have done wrong to you with respect and love. If you continue to hold anger, hate (unforgiveness) in your heart it will continue to eat away at your spirit. Your spirit (soul) will suffer. You will believe that only bad things happen and that there is no love for you. The Creator loves all the children; the Creator forgives mistakes and wrongs. If you approach this life you have been given with love then situations will become easier to deal with.

First is respect, second is love. You cannot have love without also having respect. With love and forgiveness comes compassion. When someone deliberately tries to hurt you, you are able to recognise that his or her soul/spirit is in pain. Their pain is profound as yours once was. Therefore you treat them with respect, love and compassion. They will see that you have a new perspective and are able to treat them is a way that is right and honest. Your honesty may not be appreciated, depending on the depth of their pain. They may not be able to appreciate that you do not want anything, that you are not trying to manipulate them, that you are really and truly respecting them. Do not allow this to discourage you. You are living in truth. This truth is for your peace and balance and harmony not theirs. Your forgiveness is not conditional; it is for your own peace of mind.  Bringing peace to yourself is a way to bring forgiveness to yourself as well as forgiveness to others.

The sadness may never be gone. In truth it may always be with you but it becomes a different kind of sadness. It is a sadness that you watch others still struggling with their pain. Pain is very powerful. It can rule a person’s life for many years without them even realizing it. You feed your pain by allowing hate and anger to consume you. You numb your pain by self-medicating through addictions be it drug, alcohol or lifestyles that you really don’t want to live. To release the pain, you must confront it with love and respect. These experiences have brought you to this place. It is up to you to choose where you will journey next. The Creator has given us this freedom of choice. You can choose love or you can choose hate. Freedom from the pain is through the acknowledgement of your loss. It is understanding your grief. Listen to the truth of your loss, speak to it, this sometimes means sharing your grief with others, sometimes it is through self-reflection and meditation. It is your journey and only you can decide where to go. 

Madeline Belanger, March 2007 ©